More Jokes!

Lola M., Staff Writer

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1.Q:  What time do ducks wake up

A: at the quack of dawn

 

2.Q: What did one ocean say to the other?

A: nothing he just waved

 

3.Q: Why did the mushroom like to party so much?

A: because he was a fun-guy

 

4.Q:  what do you call a baby bear with no teeth?

A: A gummy bear

 

5.Q: Why is the grass so dangerous?

A: It’s full of blades

 

  1. Q: how is a judge like a teacher?

A: they both hand out long sentences

 

7.Q: what did the limestone say to the geologist?

A: Don’t take me for granite.

 

  1. Q: What is a vampire’s favorite fruit?

A: A blood orange

 

9.Q: how do you fix a cracked pumpkin ?

A: With a pumpkin patch

 

10.Q: Why aren’t dogs good dancers?

A: They have two left feet

 

11.Three men walked into a bar the fourth one ducked.

 

12.Q: Why can you never trust an atom?

A: they make up everything

 

13.Q: Why did the policeman man go to the baseball game?

A: He heard someone stole a base

 

  1. Q:Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants?

A: in case he got a whole in one

 

  1. Q: what creature is smarter than a talking parrot?

A: a spelling bee

 

  1. Q: Why was the picture sent to jail?

A: it was framed

 

  1. Q: What has four wheels and flies?

A: A garbage truck

 

  1. Q: how do make an octopus laugh?

A: With ten-tickles

 

  1. Q: should you have your whole family for thanksgiving dinner?

A: No, you should just stick with turkey.

 

  1. Did you hear about the population of Ireland’s capital. It’s Dublin.

 

  1. Q: what do lawyers wear to court?

A: Lawsuits  

 

  1. Q: Why couldn’t the bad sailor learn his alphabet?

A: because he always got lost at C.

 

  1. Q:   An opinion without 3.14 is just an onion.

 

  1. Today at the bank an old lady asked me to check her balance. I pushed her over.

 

  1. I sold my vacuum the other day. All it was doing was collecting dust.

 

  1. Q: Why can’t a nose be 12 inches long?

A: because then it would be a foot

 

  1.  Did you know the first French fries weren’t cooked in France. They were cooked in Greece.

 

  1. A mathematician wanders back home at 3 A.M. to get yelled at by his wife. “Your late” she yells, “you said you’d be home by 11:45!”

“Actually,” the mathematician replies, “ I said I’d be home by a quarter of 12.”

Explanation: 12 divided by 4 or a quarter is 3.

 

  1. Q: What are the strongest days of the week?
    A: Saturday and Sunday because all the others are weekdays.

 

  1. Q: how do you stop a bull from charging?

A: Cancel it’s credit card

 

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