1.Q: What time do ducks wake up
A: at the quack of dawn
2.Q: What did one ocean say to the other?
A: nothing he just waved
3.Q: Why did the mushroom like to party so much?
A: because he was a fun-guy
4.Q: what do you call a baby bear with no teeth?
A: A gummy bear
5.Q: Why is the grass so dangerous?
A: It’s full of blades
Q: how is a judge like a teacher?
A: they both hand out long sentences
7.Q: what did the limestone say to the geologist?
A: Don’t take me for granite.
Q: What is a vampire’s favorite fruit?
A: A blood orange
9.Q: how do you fix a cracked pumpkin ?
A: With a pumpkin patch
10.Q: Why aren’t dogs good dancers?
A: They have two left feet
11.Three men walked into a bar the fourth one ducked.
12.Q: Why can you never trust an atom?
A: they make up everything
13.Q: Why did the policeman man go to the baseball game?
A: He heard someone stole a base
Q:Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants?
A: in case he got a whole in one
Q: what creature is smarter than a talking parrot?
A: a spelling bee
Q: Why was the picture sent to jail?
A: it was framed
Q: What has four wheels and flies?
A: A garbage truck
Q: how do make an octopus laugh?
A: With ten-tickles
Q: should you have your whole family for thanksgiving dinner?
A: No, you should just stick with turkey.
Did you hear about the population of Ireland’s capital. It’s Dublin.
Q: what do lawyers wear to court?
Q: Why couldn’t the bad sailor learn his alphabet?
A: because he always got lost at C.
Q: An opinion without 3.14 is just an onion.
Today at the bank an old lady asked me to check her balance. I pushed her over.
I sold my vacuum the other day. All it was doing was collecting dust.
Q: Why can’t a nose be 12 inches long?
A: because then it would be a foot
Did you know the first French fries weren’t cooked in France. They were cooked in Greece.
A mathematician wanders back home at 3 A.M. to get yelled at by his wife. “Your late” she yells, “you said you’d be home by 11:45!”
“Actually,” the mathematician replies, “ I said I’d be home by a quarter of 12.”
Explanation: 12 divided by 4 or a quarter is 3.
Q: What are the strongest days of the week?
A: Saturday and Sunday because all the others are weekdays.
Q: how do you stop a bull from charging?
A: Cancel it’s credit card